Why Only the Privileged Can Be Their Authentic Selves in the Workplace
POC and LGBTQ+ employees face constant pressure to educate or to hide their beliefs and identities to achieve professional success
Over the past year, the pandemic has dealt blow after blow to my businesses. I’ve lost clients, two-thirds of my income, and my overall sense of financial stability. So, when I was approached to join a startup’s diversity advisory board, it was a no-brainer.
It was an EXTREMELY low-paying gig, but it gave me a chance to start recovering, to come up for air after months of drowning.
Soon after I accepted, however, I knew the alignment would not work, the team didn’t know what allyship or advocating for marginalized people even meant, they had actually NEVER done the like. I found myself doing most of the lift from educating them to sitting on investors’ meetings for a team that didn’t align with my values or even know their why. I started to feel used.
Here I was again, hiding my disdain while chasing pennies. I was the lowest in their chain of command but their go-to as a SME. It irritated me how often I heard “eliminate bias” as if that could really happen.
The privilege of authenticity
As I grappled with this dilemma and searched for answers, I was struck by a tweet from Matt Wallaert, a behavioral scientist who most recently served as Chief Behavioral Officer at Clover Health. It read, “The real silent majority are all the people who fear for their jobs and no, I’m not talking about the alt right. Being able to speak freely is an economic privilege.”
That was exactly it – to speak openly about who you are and what you believe is a privilege afforded to very few. It’s not just because someone may disagree with you; it’s the conscious and unconscious bias of the decision-makers. If your image and views don’t align with an organization’s rigid expectations, you’ll be booted out. It’s only those who are financially secure who can afford to be unapologetic and authentic because no matter what, they have nothing to lose. People of color and LGBTQ+ workers are rarely part of this camp.
In my work, I’ve created spaces where people can be rewarded, and not shunned, for living in their truths. Diversity Forward helps companies go beyond the statistics and create truly inclusive workplaces. OutNSocial helps LGBTQ+ people find and build community. Both of these companies are outspoken in their support of equality and their denunciation of the forces that threaten it. So am I. But prior to starting these companies, I was afraid of being identified as other and kicked to the curb. I did exactly what I now advocate against. I kept my views to myself, I hid my private life, and I presented a sanitized version of myself, all in the hopes of providing for my family.
I feel guilt for blending in all those years, for stifling my authentic self, for allowing myself to be governed by a set of norms that I never believed in. And I’m incensed that I’m still expected to do so. 20 years ago, I couldn’t mention that I had kids because I didn’t want to be seen as less dedicated to my job. Today, I can’t mention my sexual orientation because it makes some people uncomfortable. Or I can’t mention the impact of racist policies and white supremacy on my Black life because that, too, causes discomfort.
I have held back, I’ve inhibited, I’ve smothered my authenticity, and there has never been a payoff, only the expectation that I keep on. Now, as the CEO of two businesses in which truth and authenticity are foundational pillars, am I willing to take a paycheck at the cost of my soul.
My definitive answer is no.
A decades-long dilemma
This problem is bigger than me. I think of Colin Kaepernick, who was blacklisted from the NFL for protesting against anti-Black racism and police brutality. I think of WNBA players who were chastised – some by their team’s owners – for wearing Black Lives Matter t-shirts on the court. I think of numerous figures throughout history who’ve faced blowback for simply being themselves.
And I think of countless Black, Brown, and LGBTQ+ people who are told, directly and indirectly, to be like everyone else if they want to climb the ladder. Essentially, they should be thankful for being allowed in the room, but bringing along their whole selves is too much to ask.
Neutrality and homogeneity are the paths to success. They always have been and they continue to be. How can this be the case? Aren’t we living in an era of Chief Diversity Officers and annual representation reports and corporate statements affirming commitments to communities of color?
The issue is power. Of course, there’s financial power – if an organization signs your checks, there’s incentive for you to button up and do what’s asked of you. But there’s also legal power. If you work for a private company, First Amendment protections can’t save you when you speak out in support of certain movements or causes. There are no protections for workers who are terminated because of political affiliation or activity. That means an employer is well within its legal rights to fire you for something you’ve said.
It makes sense then that the unprivileged have played by the rules for so long. Because they have a lot to lose and speaking out can literally cost them everything. They can’t afford to be their authentic selves, plain and simple. The costs are just too great.
The detrimental effects of hiding
Hiding your true self can help position you as the model minority in the short term, but over time, you put yourself at risk and you even endanger your career, which you’re already making sacrifices to protect.
The main characteristics that workers hide to fit in include aspects of their appearance (e.g., pregnancy, religious headwear, etc.) and connections to certain groups or beliefs. This becomes psychologically exhausting; you are one person at work, another at home, and you lose your sense of self somewhere in-between. This heightened state of being takes a physical toll as well. You protect yourself and your identity with a vigilance that leaves you less time and energy for the other parts of your life, including your health.
Professionally, if you’re always hiding, you can’t build close bonds with your coworkers or superiors. This leaves you with a weak network of support, no social connections beyond the office, and fewer growth opportunities.
For businesses, employees who fear stigmatization are less likely to be committed to the company’s mission and values. And word spreads – this becomes an unintentional part of the company branding, making it hard to attract and retain the best talent.
In the end, forcing employees to assimilate benefits no one.
How to move forward
So, how do we fix this? There are the formal answers – create structured events that encourage more interaction between workers of different backgrounds, use training to improve cultural competency, institute inclusive mentorship programs, and revamp the culture to center inclusion and belonging. Yes, companies must do all of these things.
But what will be most effective is pushback from all of us, the unprivileged and marginalized who’ve lived in fear for so long. We have to believe in ourselves and our collective power to force change. If we fight back, if we speak up instead of being silenced, if we create companies and spaces where we belong, we can make the business world more open and equitable and courageous.
If people don’t want us as we are, we have to force their hand. They have to find someone else, or even better, they have to grow and accommodate not just a diversity of ethnicity, but also a diversity of thought and lived experience. If they don’t want us to speak out about our beliefs and our truths, then we’ll speak out about them.
That’s what I did. I sent an email to the startup to let them know they can’t afford me. I will not be told to “shut up and dribble”. I will pay whatever professional cost I have to pay, because my freedom and my obligations to myself and my family are too important. No job is worth eroding my sense of self.
I am standing up, I am fighting back, I am speaking out. I am living my values, today and every day hereafter.